Whatever, I Win Because Your Brain Sucks: Election 2012

Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum–two men that most of us have never really considered as legitimate threats to Mitt Romney’s inevitable presidential candidacy–have officially conceded this past month. As a country, this means two things:

(1) We are no longer subject to lazy SNL impersonations of the lackluster Republican field
(2) General election season is here! Let’s all get pissed off, cynical, and polarized!

While The Computer Newspaper cannot promise thorough coverage of the actual issues at hand for Obama vs. Romney, we can guarantee nearly-bipartisan enthusiasm when it comes to skewering the transparent, oft-misguided campaign tactics that we voters get to enjoy only every four years.

The newest, and most irrelevant, discussion in the political world is essentially the following:  If you’re a Republican, your distorted worldview is the direct result of abnormal brain chemistry. Continue reading


A “Reader” Submitted Sex Dream: Romney

Like the rest of America, the Republican Primaries have left me sexually exhausted.   I don’t mean to sound ungrateful; this has been a fun sexy time for our country and I wouldn’t trade it for anything, but when I think of Mitt, Newt, Ron and Rick wailing away on our country’s dormant genitals each night as we sleep, I can’t help but think of the night in Multiplicity when Andie MacDowell takes on three different Michael Keatons.  It’s easier to fight it when we’re awake, but at night when our sleeping minds are soft and vulnerable, there’s not much we can do to fight off these sexual giants.

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