13 Foolish Ways To Spend $10

Our favorite comedy troupe, Cook St. croppedKS PosterProductions, is currently in the home stretch of a 30-day KickStarter to fund their short film, Bunco. With just a few days left, they are only $2,550 short of their $16,000 stretch goal.  That’s just 260 more donations of $10!  If you would like to donate, here is the KickStarter link.  If you would rather spend $10 on something else, here’s a list of where you shouldn’t allocate those funds.

1.  The Upgrade From ‘STANDARD’ To ‘3-D IMAX’ When You Go See Avengers 2 Unless you’re seeing Gravity or Avatar, you’re being swindled by 3-D. If you want an enhanced experience, just double the mushrooms dosage you were planning.

mustache-girls-2-shorts-and-longs2.  Two Sets Of Mustache Straws For Your Bachelorette Party

Fake mustaches lost their novelty around the same time Obama did, and also they’re very confusing when I’m at a bar and unsure what gender I’m too afraid to hit on.

3.  Car Wash and/or Life Insurance

It’s going to rain, and you’re going to die, so I’m not sure why either of these things exist.  Also, I may not understand what life insurance is.

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4.  Clothing From Anywhere But Target

It’s hardly a secret at this point how good Target’s clothing department is.  A hoodie for $15? Yeah, thanks for the free hoodie. Board shorts for $12?  Sure, those will literally last me my lifetime. We are all soldiers in the Merona army.

5.  Lamaze Class63

I’m not an “expert” on pregnancy, but I’ve seen a lot of television and I feel like lamaze class is probably a waste of money. It’s just breathing techniques, right? I’m sure you can figure out the basics using YouTube or that episode of Friends where Ross has to go with (gulp) his ex-wife’s lesbian lover!

6.  Two Fancy Cupcakes Save yourself a few hundred calories AND some white guilt.

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7.  Your Trash Bill

Just stop paying it, you know? And don’t make like a big ‘thing’ about it; just stop paying it, continue to place your garbage on the curb, and then just see who flinches first: you or the city.

8.  One Month of Tinder Plus

While tempting to scout talent in the cities you’re going to visit, remember that regular Tinder is still free, and ultimately all you need in this bitter, lonely world.  Also, it costs more if you’re over 30 years old, and discrimination’s disgusting.

9.   Blu-Ray Of The Imitation Game, Rented From Redbox 91tept118wL._SX425_

Sure, Redbox movies are $2/day, but you’ll have this snoozer for 5 days before actually putting it on. And that’s the right instinct.  I watched it last week and here’s what I learned:  (1)  Benedict Cumberbatch and Kiera Knightley are British; (2) being a homosexual in 1940’s Europe was tough, but not like ‘being a Jew’ tough.

10.  Shots That Aren’t Fireball

I was told last month I can no longer donate blood because my body is 70% cinnamon whiskey.

Amy-Bao-Photography_Katherine-Matt_120112-1011.  A Shave And Shampoo At Your Next Two Haircuts

It’s great that barber shops have embraced vintage, and I get the appeal of having your face shaved by a non-servant, but we don’t need to pretend that we’re Robert E. Lee every haircut, do we?

12.  Gift For A Loved One

Have you ever forgotten to get someone a birthday, wedding, or Father’s Day gift? And then you feel kind of guilty, maybe apologize to that person, but then a couple weeks later you realize you still haven’t gotten them anything, but everything’s fine?  Try it! You’ll be amazed how quickly you’ll forgive yourself!

13.  Chipotle Burrito w/ Guacamolewhat-your-chipotle-order-says-about-youI’m totally kidding.  If you did literally nothing the rest of your life but spend $10 on Chipotle, you’d be the smartest and happiest person on Earth.

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About J. Robert Tyrrell

J. Robert Tyrrell is the most important contributor for The Computer Newspaper. The Computer Newspaper is an internet website accessed by tapping on a specific combination of computer keys. Like a paper newspaper, the Computer Newspaper contains stories, thoughts, feelings, and more often, hurt feelings. We are a division of Cook Street Productions.

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